Category: Shame Resilience

When you learn to notice feelings of shame, you earn a special reward – the option to do something about it. I’ll share some personal examples of how my own shame awareness has made me look at situations completely differently.

When I feel shame, I feel like I have less energy. I withdraw, rest, and sometimes just dissolve into the background. There’s a specific reason for this, which is why a lot of people feel this way.

The first task to building shame resilience is becoming aware, as best as you can, of the feelings of shame that you do have. Its harder than it sounds because shame mostly works at an unconscious level. You have to become a bit of a mind detective and work backwards. 

Shame triggers are the moments that cause you to feel shame – which might manifest as anger, fear, nerves, or just feeling rubbish about yourself. Here are some examples to get you going:

Shame identities are slightly different to shame triggers. They’re the traits you’ve been taught in childhood to associate with shame, that you can’t help but wander into – personality traits, or things like success, wealth or beauty.